Finding hope

rayofsunshine1

I have been really sick for a really long time. I took Zithromax (Azithromycin) six weeks ago and had an adverse reaction to it. The physical pain and mental suffering caused by Zithromax is excruciating. Besides just the intense physical pain, you are also robbed of hope, and your world becomes bleak and without happiness.

And, six weeks later, I continue to struggle with both the physical and mental pain, and I just try to “get through the day” and have one more day of recovery under my belt. But an existence like this, for weeks, wears at your attitude. Where I used to see the positive, I only see negative. Where I used to anticipate a bright future, I only anticipate more days of pain and fear. Where I once had hope, I now only have desperation. As I told my husband, “I have no more fight,” because I have no idea how long this pain will last or how long it will take to recover. I just know that it continues day after day after day.

Then last night, I was watching How I Met Your Mother as I tried to pass the time and get through another day. In the episode, Lily was crying because she felt like she had missed her chance to be an artist, to follow her dream and live her passion. And Marshall said to her, “I promise you, your best and your most exciting days are all ahead of you.”

And I finally felt hope again. That one sentence brought a small ray of sunshine into my bleak existence where all color had seeped out and I was huddled in the corner, torn from all the happiness and goodness in the world.

So if you are on a particularly dark and painful part of your life’s journey right now, like I am, then let me say:

I promise you, your best and your most exciting days are all ahead of you.

2 thoughts on “Finding hope”

  1. My thoughts are with you … I was a fan of Stuart Scott’s who passed away yesterday and he said something during his ESPY acceptance speech “So live. Live. Fight like hell. And when you get too tired to fight, lay down and rest and let somebody else fight for you.”

    It seems like you have a great support system — let someone else fight for you for a bit.

    Much love and support xoxo

  2. Dear Nicole,

    Thank you so much for the encouraging comment. It actually made me cry because I am at the point where I am too tired to fight and others have to fight for me. I’m at my mother’s house now, and she is helping me recover. I’ve never had a long-term illness before so I never knew of the devastating effect it can have on one’s attitude and feelings of life and hope.

    Thank you again for taking the time to leave a message of kindness, encouragement and hope.

    Sincerely,
    Angel

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