Today I looked on Google Analytics to see how many people visit Benign Chaos.
None. Not even one.
Twice before I have built up a website audience of about 200 – once with manga translation links back in the 90s when I was in college and more recently with diyplanner.com planner printables – so I know it can be done. But it still felt like a hard slap across the face and a punch to the gut (yes, it felt like both of those things at once). And I thought in despair, “How am I going to do this? I don’t exist. I spend every day working, but my talent and light are hidden in the vast noise of the internet.”
And of course, the only answer is “Have faith.” It’s always the answer given to every artist as they slam up against the inevitable question, “Why the fuck am I doing this? My voice is swallowed by the expanse of our population, by the magnitude of our existence.”
Why the fuck am I doing this?
Because it’s who I am and I actually have no choice in the matter.